Aphorisms and Idioms: Coming Out!

T
he idiom “coming out” relates to a significant, transformative, and often dangerous process for those who identify as LGBTQIA+. At its core, “coming out” refers to an individual’s journey of acknowledging and accepting their sexual orientation or gender identity, and sharing that identity with others.

It’s important to note, as entrepreneur Tan France tells us, there’s “no right or wrong way to come out. It’s your journey, do it the way you wanna do it.”[1] And Juno Dawson, author of This Book is Gay, underscores the magnitude of coming out in her statement:

The whole point of coming out is that we have the FREEDOM to be who we are… You’re FREE now and don’t have to HIDE.[2]

The phrase “coming out” raises a question, though…  what are LGBTQIA+ individuals coming out of?  There’s another idiom that provides the answer to that question – “in the closet.”

In The Closet

The idiom “in the closet” refers to a person who is concealing their sexual orientation or gender identity. It’s an evocative metaphor indeed. And not surprisingly, this phrase reveals quite a bit about the lamentable experience it describes.

When unpacking this idiom, the first question we need to ask is “why a closet?” Well…  these days a closet is a place to store things. But it originally referred to a small private room for activities like study or prayer.

This association with privacy carries with it a sense of hiding something, keeping it secret. Which conjures images like the wife in Jane Eyre, who was locked up in the attic in order to conceal some shameful depravity.[3]

Figurative uses of the term closet having to do with secrecy and hiding emerged in the early 15^th century. And its use as an adjective began to surface in the 17^th century. The Oxford English Dictionary offers examples like “closet duties” (1639), “closet sins” (sometime before 1656), “closet good works” (1657), as well as “closet memoirs” (1706).[4]

The precise phrase “in the closet” gained momentum during mid- 20^th century (along with what might be considered its companion idiom “coming out”), as people began to articulate their sexual identities more openly. During this time the LGBTQIA+ community began to emerge from the shadows (and yes, there was a community despite the dreadful need for secrecy).

For many the “closet” became a space where hidden relationships, whispered conversations, and unexpressed feelings could safely thrive…  away from societal discrimination and condemnation.

The Closet Might Be Safe
But It’s Isolating

Whether you’re talking about the early definition of a closet as a tiny private study or today’s definition as an area for storage, it’s definitely a nonsocial space.

Things, in this case people, may find their way out of this proverbial closet. But while they’re in it, they are barred from participating fully in what is taking place beyond its door. Which paints a picture of what it’s like to conceal one’s sexual identity – and it isn’t a pretty one.

Hiding such a significant part of yourself may be isolating and unnatural. But, as an enclosed and controllable space, the closet seems to protect its inhabitant from exposure and harm. It feels safer than sharing your sexual orientation or gender identity.

Or is it? Being inside something is to have it surround you, dictating the terms of your actions and experience. And this is very much what happens when someone is “in the closet.” They are locked away, and to no small degree defined by that state of being.

We don’t say that their sex life is in the closet, for example, but that they are in the closet. This is just one of the things that is so painful about being in the closet – this denial of the self.[5]

Needless to say, mental health suffers. And very often so does physical health. Because living with such constant stress leads to negative health consequences like high blood pressure, degradation of immune and other biological functions.[6]

Impact Of The Phrase
“Coming Out”

Over time, the phrases “in the closet” and “coming out” generated powerful discourse about acceptance, identity, and the courage it takes to live an authentic life. A cultural development that continues to be reflected in popular media and literature.

Works by authors such as James Baldwin, and figures like RuPaul have been instrumental in framing the dialog around queer identities. Their narratives frequently explore themes of fear, secrecy, discovery, and liberation. With each story adding depth, and illustrating how others have navigated their own journeys.[7]

And that is why it’s so important to push back against the book banning that targets such works and the people who write them. These stories let individuals who are yet unable to come out of the closet know that they are not alone. That they are valid, seen, and loved.[8] Because as Laverne Cox so aptly put it, “Everyone has the right to be exactly who they are.”[9]

#Aphorisms and Idioms                     #Pride Month

Endnotes:

[1] Munson, Lia. “Say It Loud: 50 Powerful Pride Month Quotes That Matter.” Resilient Stories. April 30, 2025. https://resilientstories.com/pride-month-quotes/

[2] Dawson, Juno. This Book is Gay. Sourcebooks: Naperville, IL, 2021. Pg 6.

[3] Kushnick, Hannah L. “In the Closet: A Close Read of the Metaphor.” AMA Journal of Ethics. August 2010.

[4] “Hamlet in the closet.” The Grammarphobia Blog. April 5, 2019.  

[5] Kushnick, Hannah L. “In the Closet: A Close Read of the Metaphor.” AMA Journal of Ethics. August 2010.

[6] Annesa Flentje et al. “Minority Stress, Structural Stigma, and Physical Health Among Sexual and Gender Minority Individuals: Examining the Relative Strength of the Relationships.” Annals of Behavioral Medicine. June 29, 2022. 56(6): 573 -591.

[7] “Where Did In The closet Come From?” CozyVibes.

[8] “The Closet: A Place Of Shame Or Safety? The History Of ‘Coming Out.’” Chris Paul Rainbows.

[9] Munson, Lia. “Say It Loud: 50 Powerful Pride Month Quotes That Matter.” Resilient Stories. April 30, 2025. https://resilientstories.com/pride-month-quotes/

Images:

Coming Out: Photo by William Fonteneau on Unsplash

In The Closet: Photo by Peter Trones on Unsplash

But It’s Isolating: Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Impact Of The Phrase:  Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash